Got a toothbrush?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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