Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
