so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
