Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
