i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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