So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
