You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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