He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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