What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I enjoy the company of your penis
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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