Rock
Scissors
Fuck
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
