I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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