break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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