ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think my moral compass just broke
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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