She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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