All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
