so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
