Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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