and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
