Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
