She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
