I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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