what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Randomize
