The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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