lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
