Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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