We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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