i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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