I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
