Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
