We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
