OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
