True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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