glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
