why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
