Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
