if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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