we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
