I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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