If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
