Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
