Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The feeling are messing with the penis
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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