You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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