Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
