I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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