the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
