ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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