If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Green mimosas i think yes
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
