I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
