So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
