Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
