She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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